I Solemnly Swear to Take Myself Seriously: Part 1

Lessons and laughs from my first year of freelancing

Just Close Your Eyes and Jump

Two years ago I took a giant pogo-spring off the edge of my professional cliff and quit my job with no set job lined up when I sprung.

I fell into a few business opportunities (one writing & editing and the other baking) where I was forced to set a price for my time and my work.

Not only was it the first situation where I had to say to someone “I deserve 'x' amount for my time” (when the amount wasn't built into some sort of yearly salary), but I had to learn to negotiate on a regular basis. And further, to renegotiate when necessary.

That being said, my venture into freelance writing forced me to stop and look at how I value my work, my time, and additionally, my worth.

Story Time

When I began freelancing, one of my most impactful lessons came from a giant inflatable flamingo.

Yes, you read that right. A giant, pink, inflatable flamingo--measuring roughly 85 inches by 75 inches. There was also a smaller inflatable T-rex involved (if you must know). But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

During my first year of freelancing, I was hired as a "marketing assistant". The guy who hired me was not someone I knew previously, like many of my first clients, but referred by a new work acquaintance. We had a phone call to discuss the role and he said he needed help producing some video content and some email/written content in the future--all with a focus in marketing, content marketing, and digital marketing.

And I thought, "great, this will help me broaden my portfolio and get some hands-on experience."

Jake (not his real name) also made sure to mention his love of inflatable animals in our first call. I thought we were just sharing personality quirks at the time.

But oh how wrong I was.

From the get-go, I had the feeling this guy was trying to low-ball me on my rates. This was in part because he refused to pay me hourly. He preferred to pay by project or assignment and I was new to freelancing, so I thought, "let's give this a shot."

But "Jake" was constantly changing his mind about projects, had a real lack of focus, and our meetings were chaotic and unorganized, to say the least.

Each session we tried to film as many videos as we could in our 1-2 hour blocks because he wanted a backlog of content to use in the future. Each time I would ask if he had some sort of script to go off of, a list of topics or video titles, or a loose schedule, and the general answer was: "it's all up here" and he'd point to his head.

When I tried to offer suggestions about how to be more efficient during our filming sessions, he resisted; when I asked questions about the purpose of the content we were creating or who the intended audience was, he was terribly vague.

Enter: One Giant Pink Flamingo

At this point, I didn't even know what exactly his job was. I knew he wrote and self-published a book that had something to do with business strategy/lead generation. And again, when I asked questions about what he did I was given vague, business jargony answers. "Jake" had a decent following on LinkedIn. But I wasn't quite sure why.

Meanwhile, I was looking for other leads on writing/editing projects, and baking for private events on the weekends. I learned the hard way that one disadvantage to freelancing is having to hustle in the beginning to get those first few regular clients.

This is all to say, my time was limited and not entirely his.

Then at the end of our second not-so-productive video session, "Jake" handed me the boxes with two separate inflatables. My first instinct was, "oh cool--these would be fun for some video content. This would mix things up. Maybe we are going to film some videos in a pool." Nah.

He wanted me to hand-deliver the two animals, out of their boxes and fully inflated, to two prospective clients. I was to wait and have the recipient sign for the delivery of the animal and personalized letter and if the person wasn't there, I needed to wait and come back later. I laughed. He was serious.

I suggested a courier service; he ran upstairs to get an air pump for me.

I was tired, because "Jake" had recorded the same video over and over again at least five times that evening, and I was not in the mood to argue with a guy who was technically my client/boss, so I took the pump and the animals and left. I would tackle the inflatables in the morning (not literally--metaphorically).

The next day I unpackaged each creature from their box and filled them both with air. Fully inflated, I had a serious problem. The flamingo looked like it wouldn't fit in my car. Maybe if I put the back seats down it would fit, but I worried about being able to see out of the back of my car. This was turning out to be more of a hassle than it seemed it was worth (to me anyway).

Plus, I really didn't want to personally deliver these stupid inflatables. It seemed kind of embarrassing and I was beginning to resent their very presence in my home. It was like they were sitting there, all inflated, mocking me.

I think if "Jake" had been an easier person to work for and work with, the idea of the inflatables wouldn't have felt so degrading to me.

But we clearly weren't on the same team.

Heck, I didn't even know the game-plan, so it was hard to put effort into working towards a common goal when I didn't even know what that goal was.

I made one delivery attempt, but couldn't find the right office building, gave up and came home. (A lady only has so much time to spend driving around with a large pink inflatable bird obscuring her vision.)

So, I called him and told him that we needed to use a courier service. He relented and agreed to reimburse me for all fees.

While I waited for the two separate drivers, after having a hilarious conversation with the courier service about what type of vehicle would best fit a giant flamingo and the exact length of the wingspan (which I confirmed with my measuring tape), I wrote "Jake" a text message.

I explained that I had other clients and other obligations. My time was limited and based on our work so far (it had been about a month), it seemed like his needs fell outside of my skill set and that perhaps he needed someone with a little more time to give.

The inflatable thing was not my style. I was trying to build a portfolio and writing was my focus. I could understand how the videos might broaden my experience, but the floaties were another story. He said the inflatable thing was more of a one-time deal and that things would improve.

We met one more time before I "broke up" with my first client.

~~~

Part 2 of this riveting tale will be posted next week. As always, thanks for reading. And please subscribe for updates and notifications for new blog posts!

I'd like to know: What is the weirdest job or task you've been asked to do by an employer?

Answer in the comments below.

-B