I Solemnly Swear to Take Myself Seriously: Part 2

How Saying "No" Turned into a Better "Yes"

The Final Straw

The last time "Jake" the flamingo guy (as he will forever be remembered by me and my friends) and I met was in a cafe at Whole Foods. He said he had a new project that needed my help.

Oh goodie.

It turns out he wanted me to book a venue and figure out catering for a speaking event he was throwing in the near future.

Up until this point I had said yes (un-enthusiastically, but still yes) to anything he had asked me to do and voiced my qualms later. Not this time.

I told him I was not a personal assistant and I'd be happy to help with any marketing materials for the event, but as I had stated before, I am a writer and my goal with freelancing is to build a portfolio for the purpose of attracting potential clients.

His response: "you won't do it even though I'm paying you?"

And that, my friends, was all I needed to know about how this person values the people that work with or for him.

He was writing the check (or in this case sending the Venmo because it was 2018), so he held all the power.

I repeated myself calmly like I was talking to one of my former seventh-grade students. He got noticeably flustered/annoyed and when we transitioned into filming some of his videos, he stopped us early saying, "I'm not feeling it today."

Now, obviously I didn't get into freelancing so I could sit across from grown men who pout in the middle of a Whole Foods because I told them "no", while I try with every fiber in my being not to roll my eyes in his face. That was never the dream.

"To be a woman is to understand the power of our yes, of course, but to understand how groundbreaking and system shaking it is to say no." --Yara Shahidi

But I learned in that moment how to advocate for myself and to repeat myself as many times as necessary if the person I'm working with doesn't recognize my worth or my boundaries.

Cutting the Strings

I broke up with "Jake" in an email after recounting my flamingo story to another work connection. She told me, "It doesn't seem to be just this one instance that's bothering you. This guy is making you miserable. You have to do it now. Write the email. I'll wait with you until you hit send."

I wrote, "Dear Jake, It's not me, it's you. Good luck with the inflatables."

Just kidding.

But I did put my grievances into writing, which I had listed verbally during our last meeting. I asked for my final payment including any flamingo-related expenses and hit 'send'.

Now, I know that "Jake" is definitely an extreme example of male bravado paired with terrible organizational skills and questionable business acumen...but I never want to work for someone who doesn't value me.

That's what it all boils down to--respecting other people's value (in business and otherwise).

Lessons Learned

After I "dumped" the flamingo guy, I freed up space and energy to attract one of my best (and favorite) clients that I still work with to this day.

I now put strict parameters (including word-limits) on all of my projects, which includes a certain number of revisions in any flat-rate projects. If a person wants to pay my hourly rate, I'll revise as many times as they want, because my time is being covered.

If it's a special project or something I haven't done before, I make sure to set very clear terms in the beginning and allow my clients to negotiate for a price that seems fair to both of us. It's a very collaborative process overall and mirrors the start of a relationship, so it's important that both parties are happy with the terms.

Humility is also a trait that I look for with potential clients because, as I said before, we are in a kind of relationship--albeit a professional one.

Yes, I am the one being paid, not the one doing the paying, but that doesn't mean I bend to every whim of my clients. Plus, freelancers typically have more than one client they are catering to simultaneously.

My takeaway from this experience is this: if you don't take yourself seriously and make a point to advocate for yourself early on, people won't take you seriously either.

And they may ask you to do ridiculous things in the process.

~~~

Thanks for reading (as always)! And please subscribe, if you haven't already, for updates and notifications for new blog posts!

I'd love to know:

What was a moment where you evaluated your own worth--career or otherwise?

Answer in the comments below.

-B